I Wonder

Sometimes when I’m all alone, I wonder about you,

I wonder about your smile, so genuine and true,

How your words are so overrated, yet they sound so sweet,

Then I bring myself to wonder how you can stand to hear your selfish heart, beat,

I wonder how you would feel if I filled you with lie after lie,

Built up your hope only to shatter it with goodbye,

I wonder how you’d feel if I simply shoved you aside,

It’s not my fault if you’re mad, not my problem if you cried,

I wonder how you close your manipulative eyes and go to sleep at night,

I wonder what goes through your mind day after day, after all you’re always right,

I wonder how you believe you can treat someone the way you do,

Which brings me to wonder how you expect them to ignore it, and come running back to you?

Love your neighbor as your friend, but you only love them when you need them,

Taking advantage of the fondness their hearts will always reluctantly condemn,

I wonder how I can bare to even look at you anymore,

I wonder why my feet stay planted here when I’m standing at the door,

I wonder what holds me here, so innocently caught up in you,

This manipulative stranger, anything but genuine and true,

Then I begin to wonder how I can sleep at night, 

Knowing that tomorrow things will only get worse and the only thing I can count on is another fight,

I wonder how I still find it in my heart to ask God to forgive your pathetic soul,

I wonder why I waste my time with a heart that seems to be more like an endless black hole,

Yet at the same time ask God to replace my desire and fill the hole you left in my heart,

I used to ask God for us to end up together, now I only pray for the strength to wish us apart,

Sometimes when I’m all alone, I wonder about you,

Try to block out what I know deep down, is true,

I wonder how you do it, how you keep us all willingly in line,

I do believe friendship is a word you are incapable to define,

I used to wonder how I put up with you, now I continue to wonder why I do,

Sometimes when I’m all alone, I wonder about you.

<3 Webster

Running Away

The worst pain is the pain you feel deep down inside,

You can run all you want but you can never hide,

Feeling like you’ll never be good enough,

And dealing with yourself and your life has never been this tough,

Wanting him to choose you just this once over her,

Wishing to go back to what at one time you were,

Hoping just once, you’ll fall in love again,

But that seems to be one game you know you’re never going to win,

Come home to a mother who’s hurting all her own,

Screaming arguments and hatred in her tone,

Feeling as if you only have the person you hold somewhere deep inside,

Filling your pillow with cold tears as each night you cried,

Coming home to disarray, leaving to forget,

Trying to replace your sorrows with another guilty hit,

Run away to this paradise you’ve built inside your soul,

Looking for something you’ll never have again, to fill this empty hole,

I watch from a distance as you wave goodbye,

You tell me that you’ll be back but you never could tell a lie,

Watch my best friend walk right out of my life,

All for a love he doesn’t deserve and a new kind of strife,

Hoping he’s happy because he just broke my heart,

Love was supposed to bring people together, not move them farther apart,

Life has a funny way of changing people you once knew,

Leaving you empty to know you never really had anyone but you,

Living in disarray, constantly looking for ways to forget,

Only fantasizing about the feeling as the joint is rolled and lit,

Run away to this paradise you’ve built inside your soul,

Thinking the answers to all your problems lay lit inside your bowl,

Looking into your future, you see nothing but doubt,

Trying to ignore your mistakes, attempting to block them out,

Knowing that if you hadn’t given up you could have been something great,

Not knowing what to do with a decision that somehow sealed your fate,

Running from responsibility, not wanting to grow up anymore,

Wishing to run away, curl up and lock the door,

Hiding from the world that’s brought you so much pain,

Feeling as if it’s useless and humiliation is all you have to gain,

Walk through the door as a million faces cloud your vision,

Plastic cups filled with Vodka and broken hearts to make the decisions,

Wake up to no memory of the sin you committed once more,

Can’t just clean this up like the drunken messes on the floor,

You need just one thing that takes all the pain away,

Been looking for a while but you could never get your way,

Living my life in disarray, doing anything to forget,

Stumbling on the ground before I realize the Vodka just hit,

Run away to this paradise you’ve built inside your soul,

Hopefully one day you’ll wake up and stop your feet where they are, because nothing’s ever solved with cheap Vodka or a bowl.

<3 Webster

Another Missed Memory

Tears well up like you just might lose your cool,

Your way of suppressing it, gave no exception to the rule,

Shake your head; tell me it’s all alright,

But I can tell by the look in your eyes you’ve already lost the fight,

Visions of missed memories dance throughout your dreams,

Even you didn’t think things would turn out to be what they seem,

Fight back those tears, prove my point one more time,

The more I reach for you, the further you climb,

Run away from the truth I’m so quick to discover,

You don’t have to say a word; I know that you still love her,

Even as I’m in your arms, I know she has your heart,

I had figured this would happen, I should have known from the start,

You promise you’re happy with me, that I’m the on you want,

But honey, we both know we can be all non-chalet,

I can’t keep pretending to overlook your tears,

I can’t replace the memory you’ve been missing all these years,

Sitting there I crumble as I watch your heart break,

Question my standing here and how much more of this I can take,

Even when she no longer has him, he’s still caught up in her,

Instead of thinking of our future he only dreams of what they were,

I hear you draw in a breath for you know that I know,

You don’t want to lose me but you just can’t let her go,

Knowing what I have to do, I slowly turn away,

There’s nothing you need to explain, there’s nothing you can say,

I see you break down as you whisper, ‘you mean too much to me’,

But I refuse to replace such a missed memory.

<3 Webster

Here With Me

I watch the sun come up in the blue of your eyes,

And I feel your heart beat as here with me, you lie,

And I feel your warmth as it showers over me,

Then I wonder how a blind man could have never wanted to see,

I can see your smile held back on your lips,

Admiring me from head to toe, from my eyes down past my hips,

I can hear your thoughts as you think ‘how beautiful can she get’,

And I’m watching from a distance as your desire stand, lit,

I can feel your eagerness as its sent straight to my heart,

And I send up a prayer asking God that we’ll never grow apart,

I watch the sun go down in the blue of your eyes,

I feel your heart beat as here with me, you lie.

<3 Webster

Over Rated

Never felt a feeling like this, never was it this strong,

But tangled in its emotions, something’s terribly wrong,

We were built like a fire, to withstand all the heat,

But there’s something darker waiting there, plotting its deceit,

My hearts lie in shambles, my mind torn in two,

I either endure this pain, or I live without you,

I can’t see myself loving any other man; no one appeals the same,

I place this on your shoulders; on you I place the blame,

I had no idea falling in love would be this complicated,

If I had only known, I would have figured this love was overrated.

<3 Webster

If I Were to Die Today

If I were to die today, would you shed your tears?

Would you look back on your time spent with me and cherish all those years?

Would you glance at my picture as tears streamed down your face?

Or would you bring your heart to remember that I’m in a better place?

If I were to fade away, become a phantom from your past,

Would you acknowledge me or hide from the shadows that I cast?

Would you cherish and celebrate the time I spent here?

Or would you throw me away as if I was an unwanted fear?

If I told you after today, you’d never see me again,

Would you lie in your warm bed at night and dream of the places we’ve been?

Would you crave to rewind time just to feel my presence like so many times before?

Or would you let your restless mind wonder just so you won’t hurt anymore?

If I were to die today, would you regret all the times you hurt me?

Would you feel remorse for all the times you weren’t the man you were supposed to be?

Would you wish you had told me what had always been on your mind?

Or would you see it fit to just leave that all behind?

If I told you, you would lose a friend today, would you ask me why?

Would you care enough to get an explanation, or would you simply wave goodbye?

Would I have mattered enough to you to make you appreciate what you once had?

Or would you ignore my memory, the good and the bad?

If I were to die today,

Would you simply smile and trust that I’m okay?

Would you finally grow up and be the man you never told anyone you wanted to be?

Or would I have to die, before you’d admit that you had ever loved me?

<3 Webster

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